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 Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]

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Kotaro
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PostSubject: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sat Apr 25, 2015 10:35 pm


Name: Needle Hell
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: B-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: N/A
Range: 15m
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: 1 Post
Cooldown: 5 Post
Description: After using Needle Jizō to extending hair around the users body, they then shoot multiple hardened needle-like hair towards the enemy that is strong enough to pierce and destroy boulders. The needles can pierce the human body as deep as 4 inches. Given the needles are only as thin as human hair, the damage isn't major even when piercing things such as organs, but that is alone. In high numbers of course, major damage can be administered by this jutsu leading to, extreme external and internal bleeding. Given the user is firing follicles of hair the number of attacks carried out is near uncountable to those foreign to the jutsu, given the amount of chakra dumped into the technique, one thousand is the precise number of strikes executed however.


Last edited by Kotaro on Tue Jun 02, 2015 2:01 am; edited 9 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sun Apr 26, 2015 12:26 am

Tearing Earth Turning Palm, Hiding Like a Mole, Earth Style, Wall, Moving Earth Core, Swamp of the Underworld, Super Light Weight Rock Tech, Earth Spear, Wind Step, Wind Release Slash approved.

You've broken the coding for Wind Style: Stream. Fix it and it's approved.

Quote :
Name: Kami's Eye
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: A-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: Fuuton
Range: 30m
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: Instant
Cooldown: 8 Post
Description: After a string of hand seals the user's hands become coated in spiraling whirlwinds of fuuton chakra. Placing both hands on the ground the user safely fires both whirlwinds towards their target. The whirlwinds grow in size as they destroy and trap the debris inside themselves. Sustaining a drill point while blitzing toward the intended target, each spiral will have grown to 10m in diameter while also spewing out various chunks of debris forward toward the target. A direct hit from one drill can easily decapitate a human, while a grazing blow can remove a limb. Though the drills can be fired through the air, they do not grow in size and remain at the measly size of 1 foot in diameter.

Okay, this is... not badly done. You need to be more specific though. Beyond just saying it can remove a limb or decapitate, what kind of damage does it do? Make the drills more like 3 meters wide if fired in the air, otherwise you're massively underpowering the jutsu when used as such.

Quote :
Name: Body Activation
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: C-Rank
Type: Supplementary
Element: N/A
Range: 30m
Specialty: Taijutsu
Duration: Instant
Cooldown: 6 post
Description: Similar to the Body Flicker technique, the taijutsu user quickly pumps their body with chakra to immediately revitalize and boost its natural movement speed. Only lasting for an instant, the technique makes the user nearly untraceable and allows them to move up to 30m, but only by traveling in a linear fashion. This cannot be used to attack another PC while in mid travel.

I'm... iffy on this. It's basically Void Step (one of our custom ninjutsu), only for less than half the cost and roughly the same distance. I'm going to defer to Jai on this. I've already brought it up to him, soon as he's got a moment to focus on it, he'll give you a ruling.


Quote :
Name: Lariat
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: A-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: N/A
Range: 40m Charge
Specialty: Taijutsu
Duration: Instant
Cooldown: 5 Post
Description: The Lariat is a powerful taijutsu technique whereby the user charges at his opponent, striking them with a Lariat move, which can be coated in chakra. A successful strike can blow away a target's entire chest with a direct hit. The attack is rather straightforward, but very quick, powerful and is easily capable of knocking down an opponent.

Okay, the range would just be 40 meters. This is NOT an instant jutsu. It's going to be a solid 1 post duration. Take out the part about blowing out a target's entire chest; if you want this be basically an instant death move, it's going to require a lot more work be done.


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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sun Apr 26, 2015 1:32 am

edited. Body Activation lowered to 15m and cool down moved to 3 post in compensation. Lariat was the canon descriptor, but eh ok. "A successful strike can brutally shatter the skeletal structure of the target's chest, leaving them a bloody mess but alive. Even a clipped limb can result in the appendages removal."
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Mon Apr 27, 2015 3:50 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Mon Apr 27, 2015 10:21 pm

Alright, I asked Jai while he hadn't posted about Body Activation yet, and he basically told me to post this for him:

"No. This is way to much for a C-rank Jutsu."

Jai has final say, so Body Activation is NOT approved. You'll either have to keep tweaking it, or rank it up.


As for Lariat, i finally realized why I was having issues with the wording. When you took the Raiton out of jutsu, you removed a massive amount of said jutsu's power. A basic, unassisted Lariat hurts, and it can break bone, but it's not going to be anywhere near as strong as what the Fourth Raikage does. You have two options here: Lower the rank to B because it's just not anywhere near an A-rank jutsu as is; OR rewrite the description from scratch to reflect that it's non-elemental chakra being used to boost the power, and give proper damage descriptions. Just saying "A successful strike can brutally shatter the skeletal structure of the target's chest, leaving them a bloody mess but alive. Even a clipped limb can result in the appendages removal."" doesn't actually give us the information we need. What kinds of damage does it do? Is it ONLY broken bones? Does it cause other internal injuries (bleeding, tissue damage, organ damage, dislocating joints, etc?) This is especially important with Taijutsu, as you need to have a good idea of how damaging they're gunna be, and this is part of the marker we use to make sure rankings are appropriate.

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Mon Apr 27, 2015 10:34 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Tue Apr 28, 2015 9:09 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:03 pm

Name: Lariat
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: A-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: N/A
Range: 40m Charge
Specialty: Taijutsu
Duration: 1 Post
Cooldown: 5 Post
Description: The Lariat is a powerful chakra enhanced taijutsu technique where the user charges at his opponent, striking them with a clothesline styled move, which is heavily coated in chakra. A successful strike can not only brutally shatter the skeletal structure of the target's chest or any struck area at that, but cause major internal damage to organs as well from the sheer force. Leaving the target a bloody mess but alive, the immediate damage alone causes fatal wounds. Even a clipped limb can result in the appendages removal. Internal organs are naturally harmed in the process, bits of bone being able to cause puncture wounds and internal bleeding. The attack is rather straightforward, but very quick, powerful and is easily capable of knocking down an opponent.


This is looking much better. If you want this to be lethal in anyway, you're going to need to add in 'medical attention must be obtained within X posts' where X is greater than or equal to 3. Otherwise, approved.



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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:00 am

thank you for the note, bump for addition of medical attention mention
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Wed Apr 29, 2015 6:26 pm

Kotaro wrote:
Name: Lariat
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: A-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: N/A
Range: 40m Charge
Specialty: Taijutsu
Duration: 1 Post
Cooldown: 5 Post
Description: The Lariat is a powerful chakra enhanced taijutsu technique where the user charges at his opponent, striking them with a clothesline styled move, which is heavily coated in chakra. A successful strike can not only brutally shatter the skeletal structure of the target's chest or any struck area at that, but cause major internal damage to organs as well from the sheer force. Leaving the target a bloody mess but alive, the immediate damage alone causes fatal wounds. Even a clipped limb can result in the appendages removal. Internal organs are naturally harmed in the process, bits of bone being able to cause puncture wounds and internal bleeding. The attack is rather straightforward, but very quick, powerful and is easily capable of knocking down an opponent. If a direct hit is scored, the struck target must receive medical attention within 3 post or they face death.


D:2/10|C:2/6|B:3/4|A:4/4|S:1/1|SS:0/0|

Approved.

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sat May 09, 2015 2:09 pm

added three new jutsu -bump-
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sat May 09, 2015 4:33 pm

Quote :
Name: Needle Jizo
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: B-Rank
Type: Offensive - Defensive
Element: N/A
Range: 3m
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: Maintainable
Cooldown: 5 Post
Description: This is a technique where the user encases themselves in a countless number of sharp needles, but in truth, the spikes are the user's hair. Chakra grants the strands of hair the hardness and shape of needles, endowed with a capacity to injure and kill on par with that of metallic weapons. In addition, if activated in response to an opponent's attack, it can also be used as a counter. The hair is made hard enough that it can withstand blows from certain types of weapons such as arrows. Tiger → Horse → Boar → Ram → Rat → Snake

Any jutsu that is 'maintainable', unless it's perma-active, is formated as a "-X chakra per post" where X is equal to or greater than the system minimum for each rank. For B-rank, it's 15, so this would be "-15 chakra per post". I need more information for the defensive properties. What exactly can it block, and how much of it?


Quote :
Name: Needle Hell
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: B-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: N/A
Range: 15m
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: 1 Post
Cooldown: 5 Post
Description: After using Needle Jizō to extending hair around the users body, they then shoot multiple hardened needle-like hair towards the enemy that is strong enough to pierce and destroy boulders.

I just need more information on the pierce ability. How deeply can each needle pierce, and do they cause any extra damage?


Quote :
Name: Wind Release: Demon Wind Shuriken
Canon/Custom: Custom
Rank: B-Rank
Type: Offensive
Element: Fuuton
Range: 20m
Specialty: Ninjutsu
Duration: 2 Post
Cooldown: 6 Post
Description: Concentrating wind natured chakra over the palm of a hand, the user creates two Fuma Shuriken sized conjurations of wind. Upon contact they cut 6inches deep into flesh and bone, meaning hits that occur on limbs can result in maiming, while chest hits cleave deep through -not beyond- the bone before losing power and dissipating. Soft flesh, like the belly, can be cut clean through similar to a hit at the limb resulting in bisection. After being tossed the loser can no longer manipulate the shuriken by means of this jutsu, that does not prohibit throwing the shuriken with a curve however.

6 inches is too deep for B-rank. You're looking at about half that, even with Wind enhancements. So you're basically saying, this jutsu can cut through bone, but stops at that point?

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sat May 09, 2015 8:40 pm

bump, i scaled the B-Rank wind jutsu to this

Name: Futon: Tatsumaki Yurasu [Wind Release Slash]
Canon/Custom: Canon
Rank: B
Type: Offensive
Element: Wind
Range: 25 meters
Speciality: Ninjutsu
Duration: /
Cooldown: 5 posts
Hand Seals: None
Description: The user fills their hand with wind chakra, swinging it across in-front of them, releasing the chakra as they swing. It forms a blade of air over the path that the air travelled, causing it to rocket forward towards the target. It has powerful cutting force, enough to sever limbs on impact within 10 meters. The blade of air easily causes 3in deep gashes at all ranges, and can decapitate the target if fired from within 5 meters.
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sat May 09, 2015 9:46 pm

For Needle Jizo, you need to use the format I gave you. It has to be stated as "-x chakra per post". So, -15 chakra per post. Otherwise, You're still not answering what I need to know. You say 'certain weapons', but what weapons are covered here? What does this do against taijutsu or chakra strikes?


Give an exact numbers of projectiles for Needle Hell.


Why exactly does the Demon Shuriken last 2 post? Does it take two posts to set up and fire, or does it just last two post before the jutsu breaks on it's own?

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sun May 10, 2015 1:51 am

Ok, ok, and yes it last 2 post. meaning i make it and it last for two post, before disappearing. no charge, no set up, etc, just it last for 2post.
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sun May 10, 2015 3:33 pm

Quote :
Duration: Upkeep -15 chakra per post

It needs to be:

Duration: -15 chakra per post

Nothing else. It's one of the few things we're kind of anal about, because if it's not consistent we end up with a metric fuckton of problems.


Quote :
Given the user is firing follicles of hair the number of attacks carried out is near uncountable, some say one thousand are fired and that seems to be the closest estimate.

This isn't far off from what we need. But I need a proper, exact number. Is it or isn't it 1000?


Wind Release: Demon Wind Shuriken approved.

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sun May 10, 2015 7:15 pm

~
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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Sun May 10, 2015 7:19 pm

Needle Jizo and Needle Hell approved.

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Mon Jun 01, 2015 12:09 am

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Mon Jun 01, 2015 5:52 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Kotaro Fuma[Jutsu Registry]   Mon Jun 01, 2015 5:54 pm

Training appproved, ryo deducted.

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